The Point

Foreword: I did, actually, begin writing this on April 15th while in New York City. My feet hurt too badly to finish it at the time. A lot has happened since then, and it worked to transform this entry into something else entirely. So...for those of you who have been updated on my life, don't be confused by the date.

When two of my closest friends moved to NYC a coupla months ago, I was....I dunno....proud of them, I suppose. Saying that one is moving there (here) is almost like a euphenism for the dream of success, excitement, fame, or living out "the dream" itself. It sounds cliche', almost. But guess what? People actually do it. People actually pack up thier belongings, sell their cars, and go for it. And the fact that two people I care about decided to put the plan into action grew an even larger amount of respect in me for them. Then again, I always respect people for taking risks...for daring to do things and go places (physically and emotionally) that don't seem "safe" for the chance of experiencing greatness or, at the very least, newness. I've tried my own version of this several times in, perhaps, less grandiose form. But the success of my well-intentioned adventures hasn't always been quick to show itself. In fact, at times, it hasn't shown itself at all.

At this particular juncture in what is, apparently, my life...I'm once again considering another change. Another risk. Another move. Honestly, just the thought of it makes me want to curl into the fetal position and hide under the covers. BUT, I'm forever romanced by the possibility of...well, possibility. At least, that's the positive spin I'm choosing to put on things right now for the sake of my sanity. Yes. POSSIBILITY. Beautiful word, don't ya think?

The myriad of details that is turning my eyes towards all of this possible-ness is too much to review. But I'll say this about it. Sometimes, no matter what you do, things just don't go as planned. Do you ever sit back in frustration and wonder what the point is in doing "the right thing"? (I guess if you're a horrible person who prefers to do "the wrong thing" in most cases, then you won't be able to relate.) For months, I've had to talk myself into the concept of doing what I know is RIGHT on a daily basis. It wasn't that I had forgotten what was RIGHT or that I didn't know what was RIGHT. It's just that it's so much easier to do what is, in fact, WRONG, when you are surrounded by crappy people or crappy situations. The human part of me has lusted after spite, anger, laziness, and the consistent urge to hit certain someones in the face with harsh honesty and perhaps a open-handed bitch slap. By the grace of God, I've managed to put that lust aside for the most part. And I've asked God continually what the point is in ignoring those tempting desires. It would be extremely easy for me at this point to say it was all for nothing, even though I really know better.

I came across something this morning that solidified for me "WHY". Why, indeed, it was (and always will be) worth it. This is a portion of what I read, and it would not be "the right thing" for me to not share it.

"Let me commend to you a life of trust in God in temporal things. Trusting in God, you will not be compelled to mourn because you have used sinful means to grow rich. Serve God with integrity, and if you acheive no success, at least no sin will lie upon your conscience. Trusting God, you will not be guilty of self-contradiction. Those who trust in skill sail this way today and that way the next, like a vessel tossed about by the fickle wind; but they who trust in the Lord are like a vessel propelled by steam, which cuts through the waves, defies the wind, and makes one bright, straight, silvery track to her destined haven. Be someone with living principles within; never bow to the varying customs of worldy wisdom. Walk in your path of integrity with firm steps, and show that you are invincibly strong in the strengh which confidence in God alone can confer. This is how you will be delivered from anxiety; you will not be troubled by bad news, your heart will be fixed, trusting in the Lord. How pleasant to float along the stream of providence! There is no more blessed a way of living a life of dependence upon a covenant-keeping God. We have no care, for he cares for us; we have no troubles, because we cast our burdens upon the Lord."

Oh, yeah. So that's it.
THIS is why I can sleep at night (when I don't have stressed-induced insomnia, that is). THIS is why I feel healthier now than I have in many months. THIS is one of the many reasons that I live for the God that I do. His grace and his covenant make it all worth something. I praise him for the ability to trust. I praise him for truth.