Another self-definition from one who self-defines

A friend of mine kept mentioning a book to me.....insisting "You just HAVE to read it." The book is called QuirkyAlone; A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics, by Sasha Cagen. The word "quirkyalone" is both an adjective and a noun. A compound word, yes, but too complex to be broken in half and analyzed simply. The author takes the entire first chapter just to define it. About 5 pages into the book, I was suprised to discover how eeriely well I related to the concept of "quirkyalone". The idea of quirkyaloness refers specifically to romantic relationships, but branches out to many other areas of someone's personality. If any of you want to know me better....read this book. You'll get inside my head.

A quirkyalone is one who:
1. has the ability to enjoy one's aloneness, whether single or not.
2. is a hopeless romantic who will not give up one's ideal of relationships. Being a romantic doesn't infer that someone is soft or disillusioned...it means that one holds out for ideals, even when society at large says they don't exist. A quirkyalone recognizes the possibility to romancing oneself and the world in general.
3. does not date "just to date", but chooses to hold out (for long periods of time, if necessary) for relationships that meet their standards of connection and meaning
4. embraces one's uniqueness and refuses to mold oneself just to fit in
5. refuses to bow to society's insistance that coupledom is the only good and normal option
6. believes in the concept of soul mates...and that a person can have many of them (both romantic and platonic) in a lifetime
7. is introspective to the degree that one spends consistent time alone in efforts to know oneself fully and completely. "Some people might say that examining one's life in such detail is neurotic, but for us it's a part of mental health, part of living a life of integrity--keeping our actions consistent with our beliefs and ourselves."
8. constantly searches for stimulation (alone and with others........emotional, intellectual, pleasurable); and is not content without it
9. instead of sacrificing one's social constellation for the one all-consuming individual, thrives on connections with friends.....has significant OTHERS
10. is confidant to be themselves and is confidant enough to let others be themselves...instead of letting differences seem threatening
11. while unmarried/uncoupled, focuses on being INDIVIDUAL...not SINGLE


One of my favorite passages in the book is the following:

"We're all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there's no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complimentary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems--the ones that make you truly who you are--that you're ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you're looking for. You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person--someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have."

Wow. I could've never said it more clearly.