This all sounded more interesting in my head......

How much of what you consider to be your "identity" is grounded in your relationships? We all seem to be on a grueling quest to find out who we are; and we lose ourselves over and over again in a life-long pilgrimage to a destination that has no description. But, sometimes I wonder if we all try too damn hard. Maybe the real marrow of who we are exists before we can even imagine how to analyze it. Maybe just "being" is all the definition we need. I believe that every person's soul is rooted in its' deliberate creation. The inner-most parts of us are alive; a complex system of spiritual/mental/emotional cogs and wheels that can never be fully examined by another human being. However, I also believe that man was (is) created to connect and interact and serve others. So......the two concepts go hand in hand. But how tightly are they gripped?

I've been a part of various groups (clubs, organizations, camp teams, etc....) where the question has been asked, "What three words describe you best?" or "How do others most often describe you?" My answer to this question has changed and evolved as I've aged; as it would for most people. I'd feel silly sharing how people most often describe me, so I'll leave that to your imagination. I don't always agree with these descriptions, and these particular adjectives don't cover my bad side....but I've pretty much accepted them as soft fact. And, when we accept these projected sketches, we tend to live up to them. By default, they become part of who we are.

I like to call myself "independent". And, in many ways, I am. But I suppose the term is objective. Some people define independence as being totally autonomous....not needing or wanting to be tied to other individuals/institutions/deities, etc. By that definition, I am the antithesis of independence. I thrive on soulfull connections.....and I try to make as many of them as possible. I take relationships (of all kinds) very seriously. And if I care about someone, I truly do value their opinions of me. I remember what people say about me years after they say it. This sounds contradictory to how we are taught to view life. Children are encouraged, for the most part, to ignore what others say about them. But relationships don't exist without some level of exchange (internal or external) of such opinions. In its' essence, that's exactly what a relationship is.

Are you familiar with the riddle "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?"? I guess I see my personhood in a similar way. If people in my life don't observe certain aspects of my personality, do they really exist? Or, if they do exist and nobody sees them, do they matter?

"So-in-so" knows everything that makes me laugh. Someone else has talked me through pathetic tears. One person has seen my heart at its' absolute most generous while another has witnessed my anger...cold and unbarred. A certain friend notices what she calls strength and bravery while a different one seems to be constantly focused on my faults and fears. "He" basks in my unique perspective and "she" is annoyed by my flightiness.

It is through the eyes of others that we sometimes most clearly see ourselves.