..So That I Don't Consider You a Lazy Audience...

My coworkers and I had to participate in a mini-ToastMasters training last week. During the training, we had to prepare a speech in 5 mintues and then present it (in 5 minutes). I decided to present an informative "How-To". "How to Survive a Bad Date". Everyone loved it, of course, because I'm full of wit and charm. (as if you didn't know that...)

The speech had my mind racing about all the bad dates I've been on. Honestly, I haven't been on very many that were VERY bad. The lot of them usually turn out to be mediocre, but not awful. Then someone asked me about the WORST date I've ever been on. That required some thought...

The guy's name was John. I won't go into who he was or how we met (because I'm tired and I don't feel like typing all that crap). Let me start by saying that he wore a striped turtleneck and a pair of sandals on our date. I could just leave it at that, couldn't I? Aside from the outfit, he wasn't nearly as attractive as my first impressions had left me thinking. He obviously didn't share that opinion of ME, and he spent the entire evening flirting with such creepy persistence that I caught myself visibly wincing at his comments (which, unfortunately, he didn't notice). He had lots of really wonderful things to say about himself and told countless anectdotes that were neither amusing nor interesting. I could have done the "nice" thing and offered fake laughter for his work, but I don't think I did as much as I should or could have. His mannerisms and facial expressions were awkward and exaggerated and it made looking at him while he told his stories all the more painful. He told me more than a half dozen times in more than a half dozen ways how pretty he thought I was and seemed overly eager for me to return the compliaments. ...which I never did...

Despite all of my signals, John felt good enough at the end of our date to shove his tongue halfway down my throat. I felt like I was in a Jim Carrey movie. There was no slow lean-in. No warning. It was truly one of the most disgusting moments of my life. We've all experienced bad kisses, right?

Yeah, so, as I said before...I don't really feel like adding lots of fun details or making this into more of a literary treat...but maybe YOU could post your own story about YOUR worst date. Yes, that's what you should do. Post it in my comments or email it to me (if you have my email address) and I'll post it as an annonymous entry. It's not fair that I always have to do all the work here, people.