Imaginary Dialogue

When you see people arguing in public, do you ever wonder what it is they're fighting about? I get a kick out of noticing people fight in their cars, particularly. In a car is one of the worst places to fight. You can't escape abruptly without risking the chance of broken legs or, at least, a sprained ankle. Any yelling that may occur is amplified by the small, glassed-in walls. Hiding isn't really any option...from all four directions, you are potenially exposed to any voyeurs (myself included) that happen to be nearby.

I like to make up dialogue in my head (or out loud, if someone is with me) to replace their silent yelling. It's fun to do the same thing with an old or very bad movie. Put it on mute and you've got access to your very own at-home version of Mystery Science Theater 2000 (or is it 3000? I never can remember). But, the car version is a quicker, more accessible form of entertainment.

"You f--king moron! Mapquest says left on Hillcrest, not right on Cresthills!"

(exciting Wendy's drivethru) "I can't believe you just ordered me a diet coke. I didn' t ask for diet! Why don't you just say it? SAY IT! I'm disgusting. You think I'm fat and disgusting and
you can't stand the sight of me in a thong anymore! "

"Henry, if you fart in this car one more time, I swear to God...."

"I can't believe how you were flirting with the valet driver. You were doing it right in front of me! Yeah, I know he looked just like Eric Estrada, but that doesn't make it okay! You know what.....fine.....we're going back there right now and I'm gonna kick his ass!"

"I am, under no circumstances, going to listen to that Fleetwood Mac CD again. I don't care if Landslide IS your favorite song! How do you like this, huh? What? You don't want me to hold it out the window? You don't think I'll drop it?! Oh no....it's slipping...it's slipping....!"

"Go ahead. Dump in your pants; we are NOT stopping! We stopped 4 hours ago! Pretty Woman comes on at 8:00 and you didn't TiVo it on PURPOSE! You aren't ruining this for me again!"