Scenes from an Elevator

(The following is derived from actual events. Names will not be used and location of elevator will not be disclosed.)


Scene One: A girl walks across the upper level of a parking garage after her lunch break. She enters elevator along with an attractive young man. They speak politely and take their places on either side of the compartment: girl on stage left, young man on stage right. Elevator goes up to first floor. Two more men enter. Both position themselves closely to the girl. Middle-aged man stands to her left, older man stands to her right. Salutations are exchanged.

Older man asks girl: "So, are you coming or are you going?"

Girl... innocently, cheerfully, abruptly: "I’m coming!"

Girl immediately wishes she had chosen her words more carefully. Older man maintains eye contact with girl and smirks. Middle-aged man looks down at girl, smiles, and raises eyebrows suggestively. Young man on stage right can be seen bringing his fist to his mouth to cover quiet laughter.

Girl rolls her eyes and gives a clear message of annoyance to each man through her glare. Elevator door opens and young man quickly exits, stage front, still trying to cover his chortling. Elevator door opens again; girl and remaining two men also exit stage front. Girl thinks to herself that those were, quite possibly, the oldest looking 9th graders she's ever seen.


Scene Two: Girl gathers personal belongings and sighs. She leaves her office....late. Again. She boards an elevator on the 5th floor, pushes the appropriate button that will take her to her car in the basement garage. She stands center stage and watches the doors slowly close in front of her. To her puzzlement, elevator ascends upward instead of the reverse. Elevator climbs to 9th floor. Doors open. No one boards. Frustrated, girl pushes appropriate button. Again. Elevator decends back to 5th floor. Doors open, then shut voluntarily. Elevator does not move. Girl passes puzzlement and enters bumfuzzlement. Girl pushes appropriate button. Again. Nothing. Girl pushes "Door Open" button. Girl pushes "Door Open" button 47 more times. Nothing. Girl, still center stage, wonders how to deliver herself from entrapment of elevator. Pulls out her cell-phone. Coincidently (or...not), cell phone is recieving signal. Unusual for inside elevator. Girl calls office in hopes that coworker is still at his desk. No answer. Girl passes bumfuzzlement and enters discombobulation. Air in elevator rapidly becomes stuffy. Girl pulls at turtleneck collar. Girl feels faint. Girl calls another coworker on cell phone. Coworker is patient and reassuring and turns around in car....heads back to building to assist girl over-reacting in elevator. 12 minutes pass. Girl wonders how it will be to spend entire night in elevator. Girl decides she can use purse as a pillow. What if she has to pee?!?!?! Girl not excited....maybe she should call the fire department. Miraculously, elevator moves to first floor without instruction. Doors open just as coworker arrives. Girl hangs head low and doesn't take elevator again for several days.

Scene 3: Girl boards elevator and stands at stage left. Man enters behind her, but does not take place at stage right. Instead, man turns around and stands directly in front of closed doors. Man is so close, his breath fogs the doors. Man makes no effort to turn around or acknowledge girl at stage left. Man looks straight ahead into doors. Girl smells her armpits. Smells pleasantly flowery. Girl wipes at her face. No mustard globs or anything of the like. Girl licks her palm and sniffs it. Minty delicious. Girl finds no reason for man's strange behavior. Man is a freak, decidedly.

(Note: Girl did not smell armpits or lick palms in public. Elaboration added for dramatic affect.)