Valentines Request

I've been really quite concerned about this, so I thought I should go ahead and mention it. If anyone is planning on sending me a pet for Valentines Day, my preferences are a goldfish or a monkey. They're pretty much the same thing, I know, but there are a few things you should keep in mind. If you do choose the goldfish, please don't simply drop it in an envelope. Everytime someone tries that, it doesn't make it here alive. At least take the time to put it in a baggy or a thermos or one of those ziplock container thingys. Teach him the Tango BEFORE you send him; don't just include an instructional video. It's a nice thought, but I honestly don't have the time to teach a fish how to dance. If you choose the monkey, please send a cute one. Don't forget his toothbrush, favorite bedtime story, and his passport. And for goodness' sake, put a bow-tie on him.